mercredi 2 janvier 2013

A Vanuatuan comedy : Gumshow, the ex-cannibal, and Ramana, the vegetarian babysitter arrive in Paris !

by Jean-Jacques COURTEY, Doctor in Economic Geography, Ph.D

As indicated in the title, this is a comedy we are writing for cinema, TV, or theater. So just take it as an amusing fiction !
Two cousins are coming to Paris for just a while, Gumshow and Marana.
Gumshow likes to define himself as an ex-cannibal by respect for the great-grandfather who died from typhoid fever, after his last "walking meal" coming from a Western boat. Marana is a babysitter...a vegetarian one : she is always insisting on that point to reassure tourists.
Usually, near Port-Vila, the capital of Vanuatu, she is keeping an eye on Australian tourists' children, to allow their parents participating for fun the traditional "cannibal tour" of this volcanic archipelago.
As a matter of fact, till not so far, this ex-French-British condominium (1906-1980) was still practising cannibal customs with newcomers. Imposed political change and Christian morals, ...but also an autochton will of prevention from deadly Western diseases had almost reason of those ancestral habits. Nevertheless, some cannibals are said to remain on Malekula island.
Anyhow, nowadays a photographic tour seems to have replaced those dreadful customs in this newly independant country (1980), for thrilled tourists from Australia.

Gumshow and Ramana took the plane in Port-Vila for Paris, via Australia. They are looking for adventure and discovery amongst the so-called "civilized people".
They reserved an hotel near "Gare de Lyon", because the name make them think about a lion.
They are smiling at people with delicacy, when they arrive in  this Parisian station.

- Ramana is just singing their favorite song :
"Iku oo, iku oo, iku oo !", which means roughly "I caught a fish, I caught a fish, I caught a fish", with the ancestral meaning of prey in Bichlamar.

- Gumshow, smiling at her, is answering :
"Da kwa we oyye, da kwa we oyye, da kwa we oyye !" Me, I caught several !

In the street, they ask a man for the direction of the hotel.
- Amused by seeing their funny bones in the nose, he is answering :
 "it's just in front of you, on the other side of the street !"

Ramana who has no lipstick, is noticing the man is staring at her small bony earrings.

- Ramana to the man :
"Thank you very much for helping us. You are quite a nice man, even 'succulent' to speak French !"

- The man, a bit surprised :
"You're welcome !"

- Gumshow, asking him, in the same wave, something else :
"My cousin Ramana is a babysitter and she would like to put an ad.
Do you know where she can do that ?"

- The man :
"Oh, that's quite easy.  Just follow me a few steps away to my near bakery."

All of them are entering the bakery.
- The man who is actually the boss is saluting Marie, the cashier :
 "Bonjour, Marie !"

- Gumshow and Ramana, are repeating the same thing :
"Bonjour, Marie !"

- Marie :
"Bonjour, Messieurs-Dame !"

- The baker turning to Ramana :
"Please give me your ad ! I'll stick it on this window. I have got a lot of mothers amongst my clients. But, be careful their children are sometimes awful, like little monsters !"

- Gumshow to the baker :
"Don't worry, Ramana knows how to handle them !"

- The baker :
"Really !"

- Ramana to the baker :
"Yes ! Just let me add something on my paper then."

- The baker is reading, while almost laughing :
"You wrote below your phone number : 'Ramana, babysitter for little monsters. After two hours with me, your child or children will be like nice lambs onto you !' And all that for just 30 Euros !'"

- Ramana and Gumshow together :
"Exactly ! Thank you for all, sir. Have a nice day !"

And both of them get out in the street, heading happily to their hotel.....

                                                                                                  (to be followed)

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